I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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