i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
