i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
