i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
