Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
