shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
