My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
