Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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