Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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