Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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