Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Randomize