The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
