Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
