1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
