i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
