Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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