Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
