Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize