Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I have fence marks all over my body
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
