dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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