how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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