R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
