I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
