just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
