I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
