We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
