You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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