I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Randomize
