I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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