I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
So many bounce houses so little time
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
