I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize