Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
