Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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