what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
