Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
