i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
