ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
