Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
