i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
