i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize