then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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