I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
