Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
