Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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