i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
