I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize