And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
