I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
