I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
