If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
