Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
