The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize