Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
