I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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