It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
