i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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