Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
