I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
