Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
