It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
