Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
