her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
