I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
where does the pee come out of this thing
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
