i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
