FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I need a beard to bite.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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