this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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