im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
