is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I feel like death gave me a hand job
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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