My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
