Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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