dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
