I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
