Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
