if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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