btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize