it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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