I just saw a hot homeless man
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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