And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The best revenge is premature balding
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
