i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
