Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
