Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize