cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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