if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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