i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
