Ambien. No doubt about it.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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