I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
