Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
