literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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