I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
