I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Oh god it's open bar.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
