FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
