i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
