Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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