Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
